domenica 25 marzo 2012

Dead Trooper Still A Fascist


Even from beyond the grave, the recently killed ‘Trooper Tony’ is still helping this society become even more totalitarian. Governor Christine Gregoire signed into law a new ‘blue alert’ system that would solicit the public’s help in apprehending cop killers. Utilizing electronic freeway information signs and various media channels, the authorities will transmit any information about suspected cop killers to as many people as possible in the hope that the loyal citizenry will turn the suspects in. But as we all saw during the manhunt for Maurice Clemmons after he killed four Lakewood cops, the loyal citizenry rather enjoys making prank phone-calls and confusing the police during these tragic moments.

While the Forza Coffee in Lakewood begins selling bracelets for the dead trooper’s family, the state government has now committed to spending over 100,000 dollars to create the ‘blue alert’ system. In Port Orchard, three people have recently plead not guilty to rendering criminal assistance to Joshua Blake, the man who killed the trooper. The bail for all of them is over 200,000 dollars each. One of the defense lawyers publicly called the campaign against Blake’s friends a witch hunt. We hope the witch hunt fails, that the public continues to disregard the helpless flailing and panic of the authorities, and that the Puget Sound explodes in a moment of collective rebellion.

>>> Pigs Nab Cat Burglar
It saddens us very much to learn that Maxfield Dare, a local thief and bandit, has been apprehended for a string of robberies in wealthy areas of north Seattle. Maxfield Dare is only 18 years old and has been earning his income from robbery since he was very young. Recently he broke into the house of a wealthy family in Wallingford, stole a bunch of their electronics and the keys to their Audi. He drove off in their fancy car, undoubtedly high on his seemingly total freedom, but unfortunately the police had learned of the theft, found the car, and ultimately arrested this wonderful young man. As the decomposition of capitalist society continues, we will see more people like Maxfield Dare popping up in our lives and backyards.

>>> Sheriff Pledges More Psychological Intimidation And Control
Head sheriff Sue Rahr is leaving the King County department and transferring to the Criminal Justice Training Commission in Burien. There, she will help mold the minds of all the new recruits who come through the training facility. She recently made a statement to the press that perfectly illustrates the disconnection and sociopathology of the authoritarian mind. We will quote this arch-swine verbatim, as she makes all of our points better than we could.

Physical tactics are very, very important, but there’s a whole ‘nother range of skills that we need to more effectively teach, and that is how to verbally and psychologically manage a persons behavior. Any police officer’s goal is to get somebody to comply with what you want them to do. And if you can get them to comply because of your verbal and psychological skills, it’s much easier.

>>> Chase 5 Get Off
Lastly, the Chase 5 were found not guilty of criminal trespassing. Despite locking their arms together inside the same Chase Bank on Capitol Hill that has been vandalized numerous times over the past year, the jury found them not guilty and the five walked free. Clearly, the general public despises the big banks so much they will find someone not guilty for criminally trespassing inside of one for an entire afternoon. Let the attacks on the banks continue.

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